My day started off with taking Boomer, my eight-year-old Labrador retriever, to the vet for these weird respiratory episodes he was having.
He would hang his head and snort, wheeze, and gag. Not for long, but enough to get my attention. I didn’t know if it was a passing phase or the beginning of something serious.
So, I go to the vet and $84 and five minutes later I find out he is “reverse sneezing.”
I kid you not. YouTube has videos of dogs reverse sneezing. It’s a thing. I’m told it’s “common, harmless, and alarming to witness.” But, it’s not a health hazard.
It’s caused by dust, pollen, smoke, and strong odors affecting the nasal passages of the four-leggeds. (Remember “strong odors” which we will discuss.)
Anyway, the two-leggeds are advised to stay calm. Gently massage the throat (the dog’s), briefly cover the nostrils (again, the dog’s) and avoid panicking (this means you. You may feel like freaking out, but don’t.).
Boomer is fine … except for his teeth which really need cleaned. Yes, Madame Veterinarian, you’ve mentioned this before. Every time I see you we do this little dance where you tell me he needs his teeth cleaned *for his health and well-being* and I nod along in total agreement that I will schedule Boomer for a teeth cleaning and, in the meantime, I say I will start brushing his teeth.
Which I do. Once.
Anyway, today she sweetens the deal with a 10% discount if I schedule him today. And she gives me a print-out with all the costs involving this procedure which tops out at $1,667. And, no, that’s not pesos.
I hie me thither to my favorite financial guy and his eyeballs roll back in his head when he sees the estimate but when he recovers from the initial sticker shock, he considers the 10% savings. And then he says the magic words: I bet this is why Boomer has bad breath and this is what will fix it.
Holy halitosis, Batman!
Boomer’s breath is awful. The stench of 1,000 sewers. I have a limited sense of smell (decades of allergies) so Boomer can give me kisses all day long and I never flinch. But Glenn’s and Holly’s olfactory senses are working just fine thus they complain regularly if Boomer breathes within 10 feet of them.
Mind you every other dog we’ve had used their other end to make a stink. But not Boomer. No indeed. His super power is exhaling. In fact, here’s a thought about the aforementioned “strong odors.” Maybe the strong odors issuing from his mouth are going into his nose and that’s what is causing the reverse sneezing.
Anyway, Glenn tried a doggo breath freshener. Evidently Boomer isn’t the only one who has this problem. Go to any dog aisle in the store and you’ll find a variety of chew bones, dental chews, water bowl additives, and maybe even gum and breath mints that promise to relieve bad breath. Another way to deal with the problem is from the human side of the equation using smell-gel blockers or nose plugs (advertised as “discreet and refreshing”), an under-nose dab of mentholated Vicks (like morticians use), or wearing an odor-repelling respirator mask.
Or stopping the problem before it gets started.
Thus, my accounting department cleared me to set up an appointment for Boomer to have a life-changing experience next month.
Mind you cleaning Boomer’s teeth is nothing like my dental experience. Depending on my oral health, I’ll be stuck in a chair for about an hour while someone chisels off my plaque and tartar. Then I’ll get my teeth polished and maybe have a fluoride treatment before rewarding myself with a stop at the Cold Stone Creamery next door.
I don’t need blood tests ahead of time. I don’t need a catheter, an IV, or anesthesia. Boomer will need all of that. And furthermore, after getting his teeth cleaned, Anesthesia Boomer will sleep it off in post-op where he’ll be monitored and his pain will be managed (yes, c’mon, a sore mouth hurts them just as much as it does us).
People complain about the high cost of veterinarian bills but, crikey, a vet undergoes eight years of extensive training to become a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine. Like medical doctors, animal doctors can specialize in a specific area of patient health. Unlike medical doctors who treat one species, veterinarians treat everyone. You got feathers? Fur? Scales? The Doctor is In.
Also, Boomer will come home with his toe nails trimmed. Like most furballs, he’s not a fan of pedicures (or pet-icures) but he’ll get one before he wakes up. For the record, I’ve never gotten a free pedicure after one of my surgeries.
Oh, and one other thing: Boomer will probably never need another teeth cleaning. Of course, going forward, he’ll need to brush, floss, and gargle.
The Upstory 